Sunday, 18 October 2009

Up till about two years ago I cared little if I lived or died, in fact at times I wanted to die so badly. Well more "not to live" is a more accurate disription of my feelings. Living was such a huge effort,. I was so tired that even the simplest tasks were too much. Some days I didn't have the energy to get out of bed.

What a selfish, ungrateful person I was.I knew this but that just made me feel worse. I was married to a sucessful man, I had two gorgeous sons, a lovely house in the most stunning countryside. I had holidays abroad and great friends. Yet I was In the depths of depression. I wanted out.

Now I am so thankful that I am alive. I did get out, but not out of life, just out of THAT life. Now I have a new life with a new partner in a new place. I am a new me. No, I am the real me. After years of trying to be what or who everyone else wanted me to be, I finally realised i could not be happy until I allowed myself to be me.

It is only now that I accept me for who or what I am that I can live my life fully. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what others think of me. In fact I don't spend an awful lot of time thinking about me at all, except to delight in the way I am part of this big, beautiful world.

It is a spectacular Autumn day, resplendent in warm, rich colour and texture and I am so happy to be alive!!!


  1. Dear Julie,
    As you have discovered, it is not just about what you have in life, but what you want from life.
    You have come a long way in short time. Your positive journey continues. Indeed, it is not selfish to live our lives, the way we want to live. Rather than living up to what we perceive to be others expectations of us.
    I wish your inner peace to continue to grow in strength. The weather has been spectacular. Like you, I rejoice in the wonders of nature.
    Keep going Julie. Warm wishes, Gary xx

  2. Dear Gary,
    thank you for your comment. I value your thoughts. Peace and love as always. X

  3. I am so happy to be along side you on this journey to a new brave world

    Philip X X

  4. :) good on you auntie julie :) xxxxxxx